Just some more bits & pieces of articles that I've spent the evening reading.
Jealousy is a useless emotion. The only thing that jealous indicates is how insecure you are.
If you have a man that’s untrustworthy, then he shouldn’t be your boyfriend. If he’s your boyfriend, then you have no choice but to trust him completely.
Because any man who cuts off his friendships because of an insecure ex will get what he deserves – an irrationally jealous girlfriend who will never trust him no matter what.
You know that saying, “Fake it until you can make it”? If you’re struggling with the bear of insecurity, act as if you’ve risen above it. When I do this, I feel so much better about myself. And when I feel good about myself, I’m such a better mate. Always assume the best of people until they prove you shouldn’t. If they wind up betraying your trust, then you will deal with it. If it’s a deal-breaker, you’ll move on. You haven’t “been had,” you’ve simply had a relationship with someone who wasn’t right for you.
if I keep you informed, you give me freedom to be friends with who I want.
He’s protecting his overbearing girlfriend from flipping out on him for being friends with his ex.
Get off your high horse. You lie, too. Except you justify it. “I didn’t want to hurt him”, “I didn’t think it was necessary to disclose that to her”. People lie out of either self-preservation (“No, honey, I’ve never cheated on you. Our relationship means everything to me”) or they lie to protect others (“No, honey, I’m not talking to my ex-girlfriend.”)
But understand, the lie comes directly out of the OTHER persons’ ability to handle the TRUTH
As for me, I have a wife who CAN deal with honesty, so she GETS honesty.
Honestly, she wasn’t who I thought I was looking for. Honestly, I see women every weekend I’d sleep with. Etc, etc. But because my wife doesn’t judge me for my honesty, she gets all of me. She knows when I talk to my ex. She knows when I have a crush on someone at a party. She knows EVERYTHING and allows me to be myself around her.
And THAT’s why I keep her. That’s why I would NEVER cheat on her. Because to cheat on her would be to go back to a world of women who freak out about every perceived slight as if it’s a mark of infidelity. Thinking thoughts and acting on them are two VERY different things. As a woman, you can’t be the thought police. You can only trust and let him be himself.
Focus on making yourself happy instead of trying to control your partner to make you happy.
I agree with Evan about the miracle of trust. What we focus on expands. If you love and appreciate your partner, that is what will grow in your relationship.
We all put up with a lot of bullshit in relationships. The best couples are the ones who OWN their behavior. Women can put up with an occasionally selfish guy if he admits it and tries to work on it. Men can put up with a little crazy emotional behavior from a woman, as long as she calms down fast and admits she flew off the handle. What no one can deal with is the crazy person who insists she’s being sane – or the cheater who blames his wife for his cheating.http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/should-i-date-a-man-who-is-going-through-a-divorce/
Once you start playing thought police with your husband, your relationship is on an irreversibly downward spiral. He is allowed to look up old girlfriends, he is allowed to wish you were thinner, he is allowed to think in his head that he has no patience to hear your long, meandering story about your girlfriend’s dog.
The only crime would be acting on these impulses.
This is far easier said than done, of course. You actually have to have the guts to leave a no-win situation, and many women do not. They’d rather stay in a safe dead-end relationship than be alone.
Eventually, the chemistry dies down and love becomes a choice. A commitment to the commitment. You don’t have new stories to tell at every meal. You’ve seen every inch of each others’ bodies. You’ve reached a level of safe and predictable consistency. You can certainly break that up to find something more exciting