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k r y s m
05 June 2020 @ 06:34 pm
This journal is ...
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k r y s m
03 August 2014 @ 10:29 am
He's going to be sorry he lost you, so stop worrying. Forget the past forget thepain and remember what an incredible woman you are.

I wish that were true... that he would be sorry he lost me, and that I could remember how incredible I am. I wish I could have faith that this is the best thing for everyone, that it will get better, I won't always feel lonely, I will have a good life after all this... I wish I could feel like there would be a day when I would heal from this.. a day when I will wake up and go an entire day without thinking about Jon, or wanting to talk to him.

I can't accept the way he lives his life. The choices he makes. Spending nearly every day with Olivia? And Emily? Inviting Olivia over to his house? Going to New York for an entire weekend with her? I wish I didn't feel jealous over that... because obviously there is going to be a day when there actually is a girl that he's involved with and is spending every day with and taking her to his parents. I hate that he changed his profile picture. The one of him and Ethan was awesome... but he changed it.. and now it's a picture of him and Olivia's daughter. Like how could you make your public facebook profile picture that of you and someone else's daughter... someone that you "supposebly" aren't dating, or trying to date? And you never post things on your facebook or tag people or post pictures of your family... and now all of a sudden you have all these pictures and tags of time you spent with... Oh, wait, Who else? Olivia. She is everywhere. And I'm getting so sick of it. And he's always like, Oh I want to be friends with you! Oh, can I come here with you? oh! can I go there with you? But where the fuck is my invite for when he's doing stuff? He doesn't think of me! And he says, oh you know how I am... I get invited to things, and I Just don't think to invite other people. Don't fucking play games with me. And then he says that its not about him and Liv... Oh, cute, they have nicknames for each other now.. but its about Ethan wanting to spend time with kaydance and faith... like, your seriously going to put that on Ethan? It's so sad that he needs to be surrounded by people in his life to be happy.. his life is such a sad story... Like he needs them to fill in the empty holes in his life, holes he should be filling in himself and building his character and integrity.. but instead, he's running from it. Filling it with fickle things/people. Or maybe Olivia will be an important person in his life. Maybe I'm wrong, and she's his soulmate, and everything he needs in a woman and they will fall in love and get married and live happily ever after. But that's not how I feel. I feel like he's looking at all these people for answers and feelings that he's only ever going to get from self reflection. But he can't take a good hard look in the mirror at himself and see the dark areas he needs to change.. he just covers them up by spending time around young people. And it's hilarious that his sphere of influence are a bunch of young kids who enjoy drinking and having sex and just being irresponsible... like, I thought he wanted a successful life? I thought he wanted more for his life? A family, money, stability? Because how can you get something that no one else around you has, or is trying to achieve?
Am I riding a high horse when I think that I have my shit more together than they do? I have a steady Monday-Friday job... set schedule, set pay, I'm saving for retirement.. I have my own vehicle, I take care of my own bills... Why does he need to be surrounded by people that need him? Olivia doesn't have a car... and so he picks her up and drives her everywhere, and drives out here all the time to spend time with her. He never did things like that for me... he never went out of his way for me. Is it because he thought he would never lose me? That loving me was going to be enough? Because he never even showed me he loved me. He never wanted to go out and do things I wanted to do. He used his broken self as an excuse to get out of doing things I wanted to do.
I wish I had answers. I wish I knew when it would be better. I wish I knew when, and how, I could stop fighting with him... stop yelling at him. I wish I knew when I wouldn't feel so broken all the time. I wish I knew if he would ever change.. or what I could or can do to help him.
 
 
k r y s m
09 November 2013 @ 02:01 pm
I wish answers were as easy to come by as the questions. I wish solutions were as readily available as the problem. Sometimes, life just becomes a bit more complicated then I'm able to deal with. But, "God only gives you what you can handle", some people would say... and I would probably punch them square in their face. I've dealt with more then my fair share of troubles in my life, and I feel like it's the poor man's excuse saying that He never gives us more then we can handle. What I should ask in response to that statement is, what have you had to deal with in your life? What troubles have come your way? What sacrifices, compromises, and tough decisions have you had to made? Because I would be willing to bet that it's a pretty short list... and if it isn't, then you have more good in your life to balance out the sacrifices you've made. But then you have the middle half, the people who don't get a balanced diet of give and take. The people who are in a constant struggle. The people who have huge hearts, but are so damaged emotionally and psychologically. Where is the hope for them? Where is the balance? Where is the good? Where is their break?

A person can only take adversity for so long before they reach a breaking point. How far away am I from my breaking point? What can we use to measure were we are on the scale of our ability to deal with a general situation... or all general situations as a whole? What sign is there to tell me, HEY! You're about to have a complete, total, emotional breakdown! Where's my warning that shit's about to fall apart?

I feel like for every step forward I take, I'm taking five steps backward immediately after. I don't feel like any progress is being made, and in fact, sometimes I really only feel like I'm staying in place, spinning my wheels, sinking faster and faster. Life is simple as a single individual. It becomes complicated when you add a spouse to it and a child, or children... add into that mix you're close family and friends, and it's just a mess.  A beautiful, chaotic mess. Some days, everyone has their shit together and it's a beautiful day. But most days, everyone is dealing with their own struggles and all hell breaks loose. It's easy to deal with the beautiful days... when everything is going right. But how do you get through the difficult days, when not everyone is being their best selves?

This is a constant struggle... and there are no answers. There is no solution. There isn't a set of steps you can take to get through it and make it okay at the end of the day. You struggle, you fight, you claw your way through that day... and then go to bed, and wake up hoping the next day's better. You do your best not to drag the baggage from the previous days into the today. But for many, it's so hard to let go of the past. It haunts you like a familiar shadow, only by your side in the darkest of days. Like insecurity. An old friend that constantly calls in to check up and see how we're doing... just when we think we're finally free of it!

Is there a coat check option for insecurity? Can I help you to remove your insecurity, ma'am? Why, yes, certainly! And please do not return it to me on the way out the door, thanks!
 
 
k r y s m
22 September 2013 @ 03:47 pm
He became my idol: i was looking to him to give me what only God can give. Because god never designed him to fill that void in my life, he failed at it no matter when he did or didn't try.

Discontentment tries to convince us that we would be happier with something new, something else.

I could own my mistakes, and admit my faults, or I could try to talk my way out of them.

I thought that if you truly loved someone enough to marry that person, your marriage would just work without your effort and you'd live happily ever after.

Can you name any area of your life you can neglect and then expect to see improvement?

Intimacy, being fully known, is built upon a foundation of truth telling.
 
 
k r y s m
22 September 2013 @ 11:57 am
What's going to keep you from going back to her, or anyone, like you did with me?
What's going to keep you from finding someone better then me, and just using me as a "fill-in" in the meantime?
I've told you numerous times that I wonder what goes on when I'm not around, what you talk about with Morgen when I'm not there... so how about clueing me in and telling me about it? How about making me not wonder, so I'm not left making shit up. Talk to me about it.


Notes from articles.

[[Know how to manage differences; it's the key to success in a relationship. Disagreements don't sink relationships. Name-calling does. Learn how to handle the negative feelings that are the unavoidable byproduct of the differences between two people. Stonewalling or avoiding conflicts is NOT managing them.

Listen, truly listen, to your partner's concerns and complaints without judgment. Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need for solving problems. Plus it opens the door to confiding. And empathy is crucial. Look at things from your partner's perspective as well as your own.

Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.]]

“Whenever you make a mistake or get knocked down by life, don’t look back at it too long. Mistakes are life’s way of teaching you. Your capacity for occasional blunders is inseparable from your capacity to reach your goals. No one wins them all, and your failures, when they happen, are just part of your growth. Shake off your blunders. How will you know your limits without an occasional failure? Never quit. Your turn will come.” – Og Mandino

Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right.

 In a healthy relationship, you:

    Treat each other with respect
    Feel secure and comfortable
    Are not violent with each other
    Can resolve conflicts satisfactorily
    Enjoy the time you spend together
    Support one another
    Take interest in one another's lives: health, family, work, etc.
    Have privacy in the relationship
    Can trust each other
    Are each sexual by choice
    Communicate clearly and openly
    Have letters, phone calls, and e-mail that are your own
    Make healthy decisions about alcohol or other drugs
    Encourage other friendships
    Are honest about your past and present sexual activity if the relationship is intimate
    Know that most people in your life are happy about the relationship
    Have more good times in the relationship than bad

 In an unhealthy relationship, one or both of you:

    Try to control or manipulate the other
    Make the other feel bad about her/himself
    Ridicule or call names
    Dictate how the other dresses
    Do not make time for each other
    Criticize the other's friends
    Are afraid of the other's temper
    Discourage the other from being close with anyone else
    Ignore each other when one is speaking
    Are overly possessive or get jealous about ordinary behavior
    Criticize or support others in criticizing people with your gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, disability, or other personal attribute
    Control the other's money or other resources (e.g., car)
    Harm or threaten to harm children, family, pets, or objects of personal value
    Push, grab, hit, punch, or throw objects
    Use physical force or threats to prevent the other from leaving


Ask yourself:

    Are you still in love with your spouse?
    Are you hurt?
    Are you scared?
    Are you angry?
    Are you confused?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you've failed the test. This is not the time to make life-changing decisions. You have more work to do.

You need to ask yourself:

    What was your marriage like when it worked?
    When did it go wrong? Why?
    Is what you're fighting about worth breaking up your marriage?
    What do you want?
    What is it costing you to be in your relationship?
    Are you willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work?
    What are you doing to contaminate the relationship?

Want to know if something is cheating? If you wouldn't do it with your spouse standing there, it's cheating.


Make the hard decisions. Either leave the marriage to free your partner, or commit to stay. Remember, checking out of one relationship before you finish it appropriately doesn't work.

Talk To Him About Stuff... A Lot
You two need to start being really open with each other - good communication is really important when trying to build trust. Make sure you tell your guy how you feel about everything. If you're angry, tell him why. If you're miserable, tell him. You get it... let him know how you're feeling and what you're thinking. And he should be talking to you about stuff also. Every conversation doesn't have to be an emotional life talk, but you two should know how you're both feeling.
********************************************

Notes from my personal journal.

You can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren't busy denying them.

Pay attention to what people do, because a persons actions are much more important than their words of how others represent them.

Recognize when you are looking for that person to do something for you that you need to do for yourself.

Notice when you're projecting something onto the other person that has nothing to do with them, like a fear from a past relationship, and then make an effort to let it go.

If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let it grow. If you are jealous, communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities.

A lot of people enter a relationship because they want something. What do they want from this relationship with you? What do you want from them?

Build a relationship on 3 things
Spirituality
communication/trust
physical

When a conflict with one significant person can bring us to despair, it is possible that we are putting that person on a throne that should only be occupied by God.

Her emotional well being rested on his being there for her at all times.

We secretly resent instead of telling someone that we are angry about how they have hurt us.

Give the person who has hurt you an opportunity to earn your trust. Don't withhold forgiveness in this process.

This anger you keep just under the surface of your heart is a part of you. You wouldn't know who you are without it. Your anger allows you to be in control. Living in the hurt of the past allows you to brace yourself to deal with the disappointments and hurt in the future. You find your identity in your resentment.

In order for something to be brought back to life, it has to die. Living things aren't brought back to life, dead things are.

Bitterness is like picking up a stone to throw and holding on to it so you'll have ammunition the next time you're wounded. we take our stones, hold them tight, and find comfort in them. but if we dwell in bitterness long enough, resentment is sure to follow.

Offer forgiveness freely, offer trust slowly.

The affair wasn't the problem in our marriage, it was a visible and destructive symptom of an illness that had lived in my heart undetected. Insecurity and fear had ruled my life for years. They had given me an ability to manipulate people and situations in such a way that I would appear more put together and spiritual than I ever was. Years of woundedness, running, and hiding had finally caught up to me.
 
 
 
k r y s m
20 September 2013 @ 11:57 pm
Just some more bits & pieces of articles that I've spent the evening reading.


Jealousy is a useless emotion. The only thing that jealous indicates is how insecure you are.

If you have a man that’s untrustworthy, then he shouldn’t be your boyfriend. If he’s your boyfriend, then you have no choice but to trust him completely.

Because any man who cuts off his friendships because of an insecure ex will get what he deserves – an irrationally jealous girlfriend who will never trust him no matter what.

You know that saying, “Fake it until you can make it”? If you’re struggling with the bear of insecurity, act as if you’ve risen above it.  When I do this, I feel so much better about myself. And when I feel good about myself, I’m such a better mate.  Always assume the best of people until they prove you shouldn’t.  If they wind up betraying your trust, then you will deal with it.  If it’s a deal-breaker, you’ll move on.  You haven’t “been had,” you’ve simply had a relationship with someone who wasn’t right for you. 


if I keep you informed, you give me freedom to be friends with who I want.

He’s protecting his overbearing girlfriend from flipping out on him for being friends with his ex.

Get off your high horse. You lie, too. Except you justify it. “I didn’t want to hurt him”, “I didn’t think it was necessary to disclose that to her”. People lie out of either self-preservation (“No, honey, I’ve never cheated on you. Our relationship means everything to me”) or they lie to protect others (“No, honey, I’m not talking to my ex-girlfriend.”)

But understand, the lie comes directly out of the OTHER persons’ ability to handle the TRUTH

As for me, I have a wife who CAN deal with honesty, so she GETS honesty.

Honestly, she wasn’t who I thought I was looking for. Honestly, I see women every weekend I’d sleep with. Etc, etc. But because my wife doesn’t judge me for my honesty, she gets all of me. She knows when I talk to my ex. She knows when I have a crush on someone at a party. She knows EVERYTHING and allows me to be myself around her.

And THAT’s why I keep her. That’s why I would NEVER cheat on her. Because to cheat on her would be to go back to a world of women who freak out about every perceived slight as if it’s a mark of infidelity. Thinking thoughts and acting on them are two VERY different things. As a woman, you can’t be the thought police. You can only trust and let him be himself.

 Focus on making yourself happy instead of trying to control your partner to make you happy.
I agree with Evan about the miracle of trust.  What we focus on expands.  If you love and appreciate your partner, that is what will grow in your relationship.

We all put up with a lot of bullshit in relationships. The best couples are the ones who OWN their behavior. Women can put up with an occasionally selfish guy if he admits it and tries to work on it. Men can put up with a little crazy emotional behavior from a woman, as long as she calms down fast and admits she flew off the handle. What no one can deal with is the crazy person who insists she’s being sane – or the cheater who blames his wife for his cheating.

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/should-i-date-a-man-who-is-going-through-a-divorce/

Once you start playing thought police with your husband, your relationship is on an irreversibly downward spiral. He is allowed to look up old girlfriends, he is allowed to wish you were thinner, he is allowed to think in his head that he has no patience to hear your long, meandering story about your girlfriend’s dog.

The only crime would be acting on these impulses.

This is far easier said than done, of course. You actually have to have the guts to leave a no-win situation, and many women do not. They’d rather stay in a safe dead-end relationship than be alone.

Eventually, the chemistry dies down and love becomes a choice. A commitment to the commitment. You don’t have new stories to tell at every meal. You’ve seen every inch of each others’ bodies. You’ve reached a level of safe and predictable consistency. You can certainly break that up to find something more exciting
 
 
k r y s m
18 September 2013 @ 09:49 pm
Some thoughts from various articles around the web about how I've been feeling/what I've been thinking about.


Anticipate that your partner will be on a roller coaster of emotions. Mood changes, sleep and appetite disruption, health declines, and sudden tears or withdrawal are natural. They may be alright today but devastated again tomorrow. Be patient as they go through the process.


Make your partner feel #1 again. When you cheated, you gave someone else attention and value that normally you would reserve for your own partner. As a result, this may make your partner feel that you don't value them, or that they lack things you sought in the person you cheated with. It can also make your partner believe that other people don't realize that you value them. It is up to you to counteract these feelings and convince them that you will not betray them again.

The more openness you demonstrate, the less urgency your partner will feel to check in on your activities

Keep in mind that your phone, email, voicemail, and even things like bills may feel like sources of secrets and lies to your partner. If you choose to provide voluntary access to these things, your partner may trust you quicker and easier than before. (If you can't do that, then it's fair to question what you are hiding.) Although your partner may never choose to check these things, the simple fact that you made them available could be a huge step in regaining their trust.

Some of these steps may feel like a violation of your privacy. Remember that serious relationships should involve this kind of openness to begin with. Besides, insisting on your right to hide things will just strengthen the distrust you bred in your partner when you cheated.



I'm sorry I keep bugging you incessently with details and questions and seemingly stupid thoughts and feelings and mood swings. But please be patient and understanding with me... which, for the most part, you have been, and I seriously appreciate it... because it shows me that you care. If you really, genuinely want to work things out... these are the steps that we must take. And I know that it seems like a pain in the ass, but you being open and honest about everything really helps, even if it doesn't seem like it.


I will not always be able to fill every emotional need you need filled in your life. You need to figure out what emotional needs you need met by me, and if you would be okay if those needs went unmet for a period of time.


"If you need to know where your spouse is at all times, that's okay. He betrayed you and you are hurting. Just ask for extra reassurance. An extra phone call or having the key to his office can help. If he really wants to repair your relationship, he's got to be willing to share the details of his life, no matter how small."

"Try this: If you say, 'I hate the other woman,' ask yourself, 'Why does she have that power over me? How am I like her? What am I getting from all this misery?' I struggled with these questions, but when I finally answered them I felt as if a huge load was off my shoulders. I had so much trouble seeing how we might be similar, but light bulbs went on for me when I figured it out. For example, she is destructive, but so am I because I am hurting myself by being sad."

"I met the OW and would recommend it. Granted, it doesn't make it all okay in the end, but it gave me a sense of closure. Just make sure you are ready to meet her so that you can be strong and maintain your dignity."

"If you try to tell the OW what is happening, you are the only one who could lose. Say she throws him out. You may be left feeling like a consolation prize. If he ends it on his own, it will be his choice, and you won't be left feeling regret. Continue to grow, learn to be self-sufficient and strive to be the best individual you can be."

You are addicted to the payoff of testing your partner. You're so relieved when she passes the test, when you get that reassurance. It gives you a little bit of peace for a short period of time, and you're addicted to it like a drug.
*********************



I understand why my marriage fell apart. We never had a "marriage" to begin with. Our relationship was rocky from the beginning, for sooo many reasons. I was a terrible person, a terrible wife. I was depressed and unhappy and as a result, my depression and unavailability lead my husband to another girl. But I am not fully responsible for that... he, too, played a huge part in making that affair into what it became. He made the choice to pursue another relationship outside of his marriage and not try to work on his... he tried to pursue another relationship outside of the marriage before said marriage was even ended. He moved on so quickly. I understand why, she filled a need in his life that I didn't. He was a weak person and fell for her so easily. And I feel guilt and remorse over being a big part of the reason why. But I also feel hurt, betrayed and angry that he was even at all capable of pursuing another relationship. I wasn't enough for him then, how do I know I'm enough for him now? How will I be enough for him in the future? There is no way of knowing whether he will again pursue another relationship outside of me. How can I know if he's ready to give up the possibility of being with anyone else and live his life only with me? And at this point... is that what I want? To forsake any, and all, other men for him.

I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want to feel that betrayal. I don't want to make the decision to forgive him, to move forward, for him to ditch me again for a newer/better version. I need to know that no matter how things get, we'll always get through it. I need to know that he has the strength to stay, even on days that I'm not enough.

I just need to know that I would be the only girl in his life.  I would need that from any guy I was with. I need to know that I'm the only one that matters, and that even though he might have other girl friends that he talks to, they do nothing for him, it's only me he wants. I know there are so many other women out there that are better then me. I want that one guy that knows that, but still wants me, anyways, and goes out of his way to show that. And I need someone who is completely open and honest with me. To the point that if someone was flirting with him, he would be able to tell me about it and assure me that he did not feed in to or participate, and show me affection and reassure me that I'm first in his life.


Sometimes I feel like maybe I live too much in a fantasy world... and I expect too much of a reality. And other times, I accept that I have high standards and I would be okay with being alone.
 
 
k r y s m
04 May 2013 @ 06:49 pm
It has been such a crummy day. I was hoping for a fun weekend and that is not at all what I have gotten. I have had severe allergies for the past two days. After having a horrible outcome with our conciliator meeting for custody, I was hoping for a much better weekend and instead I get sick. But I guess I should kind of have expected it, since all the stress thats been building up finally just let loose Thursday and I had a break down. I have felt so drained and fatigued, no wonder my body is in shut down mode and I'm feeling terrible.. I just want to get through all this. I want to enjoy the rest of my weekend. I want to begin to enjoy my life again. I want to be happy. I don't want this to constantly be a dark cloud over my head. I don't want to constantly be thinking about the last five years of my relationship. I don't want to be thinking about them together, period. I'm so mad that he's already gotten a new girlfriend into his life.... so mad about how quick he was to replace me. I just need this to get better. I don't know how much more of this I can take.
 
 
k r y s m
24 February 2013 @ 05:57 pm
Got the internet installed at my mother's tonight... finally! Grateful for have internet here, and able to use my computer.

I've spent the day thinking over some things. My current status... separated. Do I want to stay that way? Do I want to fight for my marriage? Do I want to give up and throw in the towel? No, to all those questions except one... yes, I do want to fight for my marriage. Or, I suppose, I guess my answer would be no to all of those questions... because, no, I don't WANT to fight for my marriage... not exactly. Yes, I want my marriage to work, yes I don't want to get a divorce... but I don't want to fight for it. I don't want to be covered in sweat, blood, and tears just to keep something that I don't feel like I should have had to be fighting for the in beginning. But then I came across this quote just moments before...

If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way.  If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.

Well, if that isn't a smack upside the head with a two by four, I don't know what is. What's my excuse for not finding a way [to fight for my marriage]? Huh.. well, where to begin?
                  1. I deserve revenge. I deserve to be justified. He should be the one fighting, begging, and pleading... not me.
                  2. He doesn't deserve for me to fight for him.
                  3. I don't like to wait to get what I want.
                  4. I can not control the outcome.
                  5. I deserve better then him.

And I'm sure I could come up with more excuses the longer I thought about it. The list could be endless. But... those are excuses. Do I really want to keep my marriage? Of course I do. Why? Because I loved him enough at one point to marry him. I made a responsible decision in choosing to marry him. So I need to make a responsible decision to honor that responsible decision. I was mature enough to get married... now I need to be mature enough to hunker down, weather this storm... wait it out, and pray that things get fixed. I can't control how things turn out on his end... I can't make him end his relationship with his girlfriend, I can't keep him from starting a new relationship or filing for divorce... but I can pray for him every day of my life, and I can pray that God enters his heart and helps him to see that this is NOT worth throwing away. Marriage is tough. Life is tough. But I'm one tough lady, and I can get through this. I CAN, and I WiLL fight for my marriage in any way that I know how. Whether it's by pulling and screaming, or keeping my inner turmoil to a minimum... I, we, will get through this. I will stop making excuses, and I will find a way.
 
 
k r y s m
05 September 2012 @ 08:59 pm
We've been home for 3 full days now. Plus an additionally half day. I feel like I haven't had a second of time to myself. Which I half suspected would be the case once we returned and I went back to working. We got to Jon's parents house Sunday night. I went back to work Tuesday, and started back full time. I should have taken an additional couple of days off to prepare myself for the change. But now here I am, two days in, utterly exhausted already. I get up in the morning, shower, wash my face, brush my teeth, make coffee, eat breakfast if I have time- pack it, if I don't- pack my own lunch bag for the day, and add an additional meal and snacks for Ethan because he eats nonstop, then wake him up if he isn't already awake, get him ready and down the stairs. Put our shoes on, lug all the bags and him to the truck, and off to work we go. My morning already starts off with a full plate right off the bat. Then I get to work, drop him off in his room, and make my way down to mine. Then the fun begins. We have two little boys in the classroom I teach (with another teacher, we divide the kids into two... thank God, I don't know if I'd survive in that room with all of them myself), and they are little tornadoes. They jump and run and dive and twirl and spin and just go crazy. Then they settle down for 10 minutes and then Tornado Boy comes back. The other kids get hurt, these two children will not listen to anyone in the building, they get hurt, they talk back. We have all tried various techniques and nothing works. If anything, it just seems that these children are getting worse the more we try to figure out a way to deal with them in the classroom. They get the other kids wound up, and then we have a classroom of 11 three-year olds bouncing off the walls and its enough to make me want to tear my hair out.

So, after all that during the day, I also have to get all the cleaning done in my room before I leave. We are a small daycare, so the owner doesn't have the extra money to pay for night cleaners. So we, the teachers, have to clean and sanitize and shut down our rooms at the end of each evening. Wouldn't be so bad if the evening teacher was more helpful. But I feel like a lone Clydesdale pulling a heavy load all by myself. Not fun, at all.

Whew, enough with work now... back to vacation. I had hoped to write about our honeymoon and traveling, but it didn't work out so. The drive down was not as easy going as I expected it to be. I absolutely hated driving on the highway. I was not comfortable at all. I will most definitely never be driving long distances again.

Orlando was fun, though, once we got there. We went to the fun spot, or something like that, and they had some awesome go kart tracks. The shopping mall was amazing too. It was nice to let loose and spend some money on us for once. I'm tired of seeing the same drab old things in my closet. It's awesome that we can get Ethan all kinds of stuff, but it was a nice treat to get treated for once... for both myself and the hubby.

The cruise was more or less what I expected it to be. I don't foresee us cruising again any time in the near future, atleast not without friends. I think having more people on board that you know might make it a lot more interesting. Who knows. It was a pretty good vacation, though, in general. The husband and I disagreed and bickered a lot more then I would have liked. Cruising made me grouchy... so maybe for the sake of our marriage, we won't ever cruise again.... Haha!

Ethan's finally asleep, for good this time. Laundry's done, dishes are all in dishwasher. Lunches were made and packed for tomorrow. Didn't get anywhere on my lesson plans, but I have another two weeks to finish those. Guess it's off to bed for me now, so I can be rested for another full day tomorrow.
 
 
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted